I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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