So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize