he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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