i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize