Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
