What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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