I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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