Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
