she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
