He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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