you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
