My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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