just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
