thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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