the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
