Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
