Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
