I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
