I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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