it hurts more in the daytime
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
