so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
