Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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