dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
