He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
