Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
