why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
