i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
