oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
