You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize