it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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