god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
