So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
