can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
