my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize