I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Randomize
