I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
