it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
