Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
