My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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