why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize