Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
