Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
