yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
