You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When are your genitals available?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
