He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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