the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
