she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
