New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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