this boner is exhausting
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
