she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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