I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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