Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
