He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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