"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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