My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize