I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My vagina is officially offended.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize