someone threw a dead crab at me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
