of course. lets lasso hookers.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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