Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
