i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
