There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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