I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
