literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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