I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize