Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
