What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
COCAINE IS GR8
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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