i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
