did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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