His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
