dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
