I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
